Hideki needs a decent wingman if he wants a girlfriend

If you’re looking for a laugh, or a boyfriend, Tony Kanaan has put out the word that teammate Hideki Mutoh needs a girlfriend.

Hideki Mutoh

Hideki Mutoh

Frankly, I think the problem isn’t Hideki, it’s his choice of wingmen.

Let’s see.

Kanaan: Let’s face it. If you saw TK and Hideki in a bar, you’d be thinking it was a scene out of Karate Kid.  “Yes oh master Sensei Kannan, I must approach girl ninja like with sneaky pick up line, ha, ha!”  Conclusion, not even I can pick up hanging out with my Brazilian uncle.

Marco: One of the key elements of picking up in a club is actually getting in.  You don’t want to spend 30 minutes outside the door while the bouncer looks at your mate’s ID with suspicion.  Bouncer 1 asks Marco to speak, Marco replies, Bouncer 2 remarks to Bouncer 1 that his voice sounds nothing like it does on the Gillette Fusion ads.  Conclusion: E.J.Viso has already swept the floor, with the pick up line “Give Daddy a kisssss”, while you’re getting cold outside.

Danica: They say cute girls have cute friends. So what’s the deal Danica? Why haven’t you hooked him up yet? You’ve even got sponsorship from a domain name company, yet Kannan has used datehideki@indycar.com.  If you’re not going to hook him up, at least use your connections and register getlaid@hidekishouse.com with Go Daddy. Lift your game.

What Hideki needs, my friends, is new wingmen.

I’m seeing a dream team as follows:

P1: Me. I’ve got enough looks to get ’em in, and can keep multiple friends amused for hours with conversation about how the toilets flush in the opposite rotation in Australia while HM goes in for the kill with the specified target.

P2: Firestone Firehawk. Has all the prerequisites to get attention at the bar, and attract cute drunken ladies at nightclubs wanting to get photos.  Key benefit: can’t talk, so can’t steal any of HM’s potential targets, while having the ability to have a conversation with Hideki when things get quiet using only hand signals.

Dating Coach: Jimmy Vasser*. Need I say more? The man from CA is still doing the business in the clubs I reckon, even though he’s only a team owner. Has turned Moraes from just another Brazilian to an absolute female attracting sensation.  We could all learn more about picking up if we were more like Jimmy.

You know my email address Hideki.  You know it makes sense.

* Yes, that is Jimmy Vasser – sans sunglesses.

One Response to “Hideki needs a decent wingman if he wants a girlfriend”

  1. […] goes out to all the ladies hating on Hideki. JUST ONE DATE!!!! THAT’S ALL WE’RE ASKING FOR!!! You brain-dead skags make me sick, and you’re […]